by Jason R Owens | Jan 21, 2012 | Self-Employed Sweet Spot
Sometimes the best way to increase your confidence is to make a stand and declare to the world who you are.
Yet this simple thing can be so difficult. It can leave you feeling exposed. Naked. It is too easy for self-doubt to creep in.
- What if people don’t like me?
- Worse, what if the people who like me now stop liking me?
- What if no one buys the painting, the book, the (fill in the blank) into which I have poured my heart and soul?
- What if I get criticized?
How To Stay Confident When Stepping Out
- You are made to follow your calling. Feel good about having strength to take the steps you are taking.
- You are not made to play a small part. To hide. To shrink from greatness.
- Planting your flag somewhere, anywhere, means that you have a great deal of confidence in yourself.
- Most people are looking for someone to follow, to read about, to find interesting. The person they follow doesn’t always have to be the other guy. Why can’t the interesting person be you?
- Commit fully to your path. No waffling!
- Run. Hard work creates its own luck. Nothing builds self esteem more quickly than a prospect saying “yes”.
by Jason R Owens | Jan 20, 2012 | Self-Employed Sweet Spot
At some point you have probably had some type of personality assessment. There are about 100 different flavors out there. My favorite so far is the Strengths Finder. I took this test, and it illuminated my top 5 strengths:
- Learner
- Strategic
- Achiever
- Intellection
- Ideation
Take a look at my top strength – learner. I have always loved learning new things. School has always been fairly easy to me, but this post isn’t about me, its about what you can learn from my experiences.
Since I like learning, and it comes easy for me, it is so easy for me to lose focus by the lure of another opportunity. Sometimes I find a project that looks just way too irresistible, so I take it. “I can learn so much from this,” I rationalize. Meanwhile my more strategic endeavors stall. Eventually I snap to my senses and get back on track. Sure, I’ve learned plenty on my detour, but I have lost precious time on the very accomplishments that I said were so important to me.
How to Combat The Weakness of Your Strength
When an opportunity comes your way run it through the following filters.
- How far am I willing to go down this rabbit hole?
- Can I bail out of this so called “opportunity” easily if I find it is taking me too far off track?
- What is the signal or trigger event that will tell me it is time to move on?
I’m writing this post just as much for me as I am for you. I’m going to print these three filters on a card and tape them somewhere on my dashboard so I can see them every morning as I take my kid to daycare. Following these easy to use filters will keep my confidence high and keep me on track to reaching my goals.
by Jason R Owens | Jan 17, 2012 | Uncategorized
I finished another class yesterday. I never like going into the last week of class with a large portion of my grade still undecided, but that is what I faced here. I should get my grades here in the next few days, so keep your fingers crossed.
My academic advisor and I agreed today that it would be good for me to switch the order of my next 2 classes. This will give me more time to finalize an advisor and find one more person for my committee. So I have a bit of a break this week and next before starting Political Acumen and Ethics. I now have only 2 more traditional classes, and then the dissertation.
by Jason R Owens | Jan 2, 2012 | Self-Employed Sweet Spot
Comparisons are great when you are shopping, but comparing yourself against others is a no-win situation. In this article I’ll tell how comparisons used to wipe out my confidence. Plus I’ll show you what you can do to break the cycle.
I remember my first year as a business coach. This was back in 2003 before many people even knew what a business coach was or how helpful one can be to a person’s business. I was really insecure in my early days. I was in very new territory and I didn’t know how to compete. I knew that I would do a good job for anyone who would engage my services, but I still had some lessons to learn about prospecting. There weren’t many of us business coaches / consultants around at that time, but I remember comparing myself to the ones who frequented our local chamber of commerce. One had graduated from a very prestigious school with an MBA and another one had deep ties to the community. I was a newbie in the area. I had no network to speak of, and I felt really outgunned by my competition. I can’t tell you how many times I let this insecurity keep me down.
Years later when I was running a business as a financial advisor. I vowed not to allow comparisons to play with my confidence again. It is quite common in sales organizations for there to be a scorecard that ranks each salesperson by the number of sales credits he or she has earned. At the time it was quite possible for me to find such a scorecard on our company’s intranet. If you are at the top of the list you look like a hero. Keep in mind that this list named everyone in our region, so if you are on the bottom, you look like the goat. Being a bit of a data hound I was taken with this list as soon as I discovered it.
Being new in the industry I realized that I didn’t have the chops to beat the big guys, so the next most logical thing would be for me to measure myself against my peers who entered the business in the same class as I did. One of the guys in my class had a big deal come through right off the bat, so he was beating me. I logged in each week to see if I was closing the distance. I landed a couple of smaller deals and began to catch up. The two of us were leaving the rest of our class far behind. I landed another few deals while my friend went into a dry spell. I took the lead about 5 months into the year and never looked back.
Notice that this is healthy comparison compared to the unhealthy comparing I did when I was a business coach. There’s a huge difference. One builds up and encourages us to do better and be better. The other simply tears us down and drives us to inaction. There’s always a bigger fish.
I’m not in a race against them. I’m in a race with myself. My race has nothing to do with how they are doing. Some people can benchmark against others without bearing any damage, but most of us just don’t come hardwired that way.
How to Break the Comparison Cycle
1) Stop it before it starts
You are wise enough to realize when you are about to get into a comparison situation. For me, I finally stopped looking at the regional scorecard. It had become a demotivator instead of a motivator. I had to back away from it. Now in my own consulting business I have to resist the urge to compare myself and my content to others. This is my new edge, and I have to stay away from the cliff of demotivation.
2) Stay busy
Remember the old proverb – An idle mind is the devil’s workshop. Keep moving. Don’t give yourself time enough to dwell on what you don’t have. If anything spend time thinking about all the assets you do have:
- health
- some place to live (no matter if you are living in a tent, renting, or in your own place)
- an education (no matter if it is a high school education, only some college classes, perhaps a degree from a “bad” school, etc.).
- family
- friends
3) Get in a group
I know that it sounds cliche. You have probably heard this all before, but I will echo it here — There is tremendous power in being in a group. Check out Keith Ferrazzi‘s Whos Got Your Back and his myGreenlight for more on this. The thing with groups is that they take time. I have been in and out of so many groups that I can’t name them all. Do not stop searching for a good match of people who want to help you. They are out there. Keep looking.
by Jason R Owens | Dec 30, 2011 | Self-Employed Sweet Spot
I was reminded here recently about the importance of sticking to one’s story. Due to some scarcity thinking on my part I allowed myself to get taken off-center in my confidence. Stake your claim. Stick to your story. You’ll be glad you did.
by Jason R Owens | Dec 30, 2011 | Self-Employed Sweet Spot
I first had the idea for a confidence blog about four months ago. I was quite happy to find a good domain name in short order, so I took this as a sign from the heavens and decided to buy it.
One of my primary intentions with the site is to use it as a means of monetizing my research. I figure I might as well start earning some money on this large investment I’m making in my doctoral work. One other huge driver for me is that this site may become the means through which I can give heavily to the community at-large. Ever since college I have felt some type of ministry calling on my life (for lack of a better way to phrase it), and I have wrestled with how to fit this into my life. I spoke to my pastor about this always-present feeling and he recommended that I do a Seth Godin — go build a tribe. In essence, that’s exactly what I am doing.
In addition to plenty of free (and hopefully good) content, I plan on creating a membership portion of the site. I know of a few examples of individuals who either own or moderate membership sites, and it seems to be very rewarding psychologically as well as financially.
by Jason R Owens | Dec 3, 2011 | Self-Employed Sweet Spot
by Jason R Owens | Nov 30, 2011 | Self-Employed Sweet Spot
Insulate yourself against a large client leaving. Many of you have heard of the concept of a sales funnel before. This one is similar, but has a twist.
Bare Bones Basics: If you are not keeping a list of your prospective clients, you are already losing money. I have not yet met a person who can keep all this in their head, so start writing down everyone with whom you have even the remotest chance of doing business.
The Confidence Boost: Start categorizing them by time. Draw a 5X5 table. You want to be able to put names of prospective clients in all 25 boxes. The top row is for 5 people or businesses that you could do business with in the distant future. The bottom row is for the deals that you think you could land in the near future. You get to decide what “near future” and “distant future” are for your business. For some of my readers “near” is 30 days, for others “near” is 18 months. You decide. The point is to fill the boxes. If you can’t fill all the boxes, then you have work to do.
“What if 25 boxes is too much for me? That just doesn’t fit my business, Jason.” Here’s a rule of thumb: Take the number of customers/clients that you need to make your desired yearly revenue, and multiply that number by 3. That should be the number of boxes that you need.
The Nub: Don’t ever let yourself run short on near-term or long-term prospects. An adequate number of near-term prospects will soften the blow when a big client unexpectedly goes away.
by Jason R Owens | Nov 22, 2011 | Uncategorized
I started my doctoral journey in the fall of 2009. I can’t believe I have finished 2 years already. I finished my 3rd year residency in October. It was 8 days of comprehensives. I am glad that it is over, and I would not want to repeat it.
I still have a long way to go. I have to complete my 3rd year classes and I still have loads of work to do on my dissertation.
Here is a look at my upcoming classes.
- Organizational Diagnosis and Intervention (in progress)
- Political Acumen and Ethics
- Contemporary Systems Management
- Architecture of Leadership
I should be finished with these formal classes by the end of September, but this does not count my dissertation work.
I am going to place my updates in the regular blog section for this site, and I will place these posts in the “doctoral” category to make searching for these posts a little easier.
by Jason R Owens | Nov 21, 2011 | Self-Employed Sweet Spot
I had this idea that I should start this blog on confidence with some sort of bold proclamation about what the blog stands for and what you’ll get out of it. In a few words or so I’m supposed to introduce you to my method and convince you that I’m going to help change your life. I’m supposed to show you where to find the free download, the audio file, the pdf, or show you the list of bullet points that will somehow make everything better. Sure, there will eventually be enough of those items here, but please understand that I realize (and I expect my readers to realize) that the bullet list, the programs and the members-only content usually don’t work at first. They are cosmetic fixes at best. They don’t stick. I should know because I’ve tried a lot of them.
If there is any innovation to be found in the expert industry it is unlikely to be found in generating new content — it will be found in how to apply the mountain of good content that already exists. I think most expert advice falls short not due to some fault of the author or of the material. I think the failure occurs in us as readers. We need to realize that the 10 point check list, the recommended daily habits or the entire program in question are often a personal extension of the author. These steps work well for the person writing the book. If we interpret his or her advice too literally we get disappointed when the author’s daily habits don’t work for us. We lose interest when we try the checklist and see little results.
As readers we need to take the next crucial, and often unstated, step. We must fit the material into our world. The beauty is that we get to customize it. If getting out of bed at 5 AM to exercise doesn’t fit your schedule, then take the essence — getting more exercise — and see where you can make it fit. Very few of us are going to take any expert’s program and implement it word for word with any rate of success.
Sheesh! Even as I re-read the last paragraph I realize that I’ve made the whole process sounds too quaint, too trivial. Internalizing someone’s content can take months or years, but we’re not supposed to tell you that in the expert industry. Why? Because you won’t buy our books if we tell you that any success is going to take such a long time. We’re supposed to tell you that we can fix your career, your love life, your unresolved issues with your co-workers, your relationship with your father and your complete financial picture in 13 easy chapters. If we told you that this stuff actually takes time, most of you wouldn’t have the patience for it.
Expert material not only takes time (duration), it takes timing. I can think of several books that I have read that had amazing content, but I was not in a place in my life where I could implement them. I have a copy of Scott Belsky’s Making Ideas Happen lying on the table as I write this post. The book is a brilliant treatise on how to get things out of your head and into reality. I bought the book over a year ago and quickly lost interest in it. Actually I had to stop reading it because I kept getting angry. I could see that the content was good. Really good. The problem is that I was not at a point in my work where I could take full advantage of what I was learning. Nearly 12 months later I am in a different part of the product development cycle, and I can begin applying the principles in a manner that fits my world. Bliss. It was all a matter of timing.
So take some time to dive through this site. Get as much from it as you can. Then go visit other sites, read other books and listen to other audio. Let the advice pour in. Some of it will be useful right way. Other tips will need some time to perk, to brew and steep. When the time is right, your brain will recall just the right piece of advice when you need it.
