The setbacks you expeirence when chasing your dreams are perhaps the most painful of all. Let’s face it. We’ve all blown it at times. We’ve made a bad choice, a wrong turn or stepped in a hole we didn’t see. But some mistakes just hurt more than others.
Compare these two
- You get home from a long trip to the grocery store and realize that you bought 2% milk instead of skim.
- You submitted two of your best paintings to be entered in a local art show. Both get rejected.
Which setback stings more? The second one, of course. There is a lot more of a person’s heart (and personal identity) wrapped up in their work. Art is a form of self expression. For that matter, any act of chasing a dream, following your passion or starting a business is a form of self-expression.
Let’s continue with the artist scenario for a moment. What is likely to happen here? It would be really easy for the artist to catastrophize, to assume that this is the end, to think that she does not have any real talent. The artist may begin to feel that she should give up painting in favor of getting “a real” job. She may go throught the cycle of despair. A business owner who has suffered a similar defeat may end up back in a cubicle, never to try self-employment again.
What if there were a better way? What if we could reframe our missetps so that we could see them in their proper light? What if we could start to see oursleves in the proper light?
Failure isn’t failure.
In over a dozen years of chasing my passion (to own my own business) I have never had one single person tell me what I am about to tell you — you are probably not going to get it right the first time. In fact, there are very few who do.
You are probably not going to get it right the first time; there are very few who do.
What took me years to learn is that it really is ok to fall down, to make bad choices. You see, I had placed a phenomenal amount of pressure on myself to figure out all the answers on my own. I didn’t have money to hire a coach for everything, and I certainly didn’t have time to take classes every time I felt I didn’t know enough.
I also had to learn NOT to beat myself up when something didn’t work. While my heart was completely in my work, I was not doing a good job of guarding my heart from defeat. I took it pretty hard. With each defeat I found myself rethinking and re-evaluating my place in life.
- “Is this not my calling?”
- “Am I really not any good at this?”
- “Is God trying to tell me something?”
I was in my own spin cycle. My confidence would go in the tank, and I had to start over every time I made a misstep. I had to recommit to somehow finding a way that I could own my own business. It was only after going through this emotional spin cycle that I realized most successful entrepreneurs I know landed in their space only after several tries. Some even discovered their current niche while diligently working on something else. I had to find a way to stop myself from entering the spin cycle.
For most of you out there who are chasing your dream, at some point you will have to embrace self-promotion in the form of marketing and selling your goods. This is true of artists, writers, church planters, dog trainers and hundreds of other professions. If you have never…
- been in a formal sales role
- done a fair amount of public speaking
- had experience in marketing
…there is a lot to learn. It just isn’t reasonable to think that you will get all this right the first time, so take it easy on yourself.
A Life-Long Pursuit
Chasing your passion and realizing your dreams is a life-long pursuit. You have to be in this for the long haul. For some of us, this journey takes months. For the rest of us, like me, it takes years.
Failure isn’t failure if
- You are able to take the knowledge and experience with you to use next time.
- You commit that there will be a next time.
- You’ve made the conscious decision NOT to beat yourself up for taking the risk.
When you are able to keep your heart intact after a setback, it completely changes what you can accomplish.
Four Things You Can Do
Here are 4 things you can do to ensure that failure isn’t failure.
- Remind yourself that you had the guts to go for it when so many others would not.
- Remember, or even write down, all the times when you did win. Especially the times when someone paid you for your product or service.
- Start a file on the compliments you received on your journey. This includes Facebook comments, emails, recommendations you received on LinkedIn, etc. Print them and put them in a folder. These are proof that you can do good work, work that people love. Refer back to this folder when you need a boost in the future.
- Take a few minutes to write down what you would do differently. Would you advertise more? To a different audience? Would you choose a different location for your business? Was your offer compelling? Do you feel that people “get” you? Are enough people coming into your booth or website?