Comparisons are great when you are shopping, but comparing yourself against others is a no-win situation. In this article I’ll tell how comparisons used to wipe out my confidence. Plus I’ll show you what you can do to break the cycle.
I remember my first year as a business coach. This was back in 2003 before many people even knew what a business coach was or how helpful one can be to a person’s business. I was really insecure in my early days. I was in very new territory and I didn’t know how to compete. I knew that I would do a good job for anyone who would engage my services, but I still had some lessons to learn about prospecting. There weren’t many of us business coaches / consultants around at that time, but I remember comparing myself to the ones who frequented our local chamber of commerce. One had graduated from a very prestigious school with an MBA and another one had deep ties to the community. I was a newbie in the area. I had no network to speak of, and I felt really outgunned by my competition. I can’t tell you how many times I let this insecurity keep me down.
Years later when I was running a business as a financial advisor. I vowed not to allow comparisons to play with my confidence again. It is quite common in sales organizations for there to be a scorecard that ranks each salesperson by the number of sales credits he or she has earned. At the time it was quite possible for me to find such a scorecard on our company’s intranet. If you are at the top of the list you look like a hero. Keep in mind that this list named everyone in our region, so if you are on the bottom, you look like the goat. Being a bit of a data hound I was taken with this list as soon as I discovered it.
Being new in the industry I realized that I didn’t have the chops to beat the big guys, so the next most logical thing would be for me to measure myself against my peers who entered the business in the same class as I did. One of the guys in my class had a big deal come through right off the bat, so he was beating me. I logged in each week to see if I was closing the distance. I landed a couple of smaller deals and began to catch up. The two of us were leaving the rest of our class far behind. I landed another few deals while my friend went into a dry spell. I took the lead about 5 months into the year and never looked back.
Notice that this is healthy comparison compared to the unhealthy comparing I did when I was a business coach. There’s a huge difference. One builds up and encourages us to do better and be better. The other simply tears us down and drives us to inaction. There’s always a bigger fish.
I’m not in a race against them. I’m in a race with myself. My race has nothing to do with how they are doing. Some people can benchmark against others without bearing any damage, but most of us just don’t come hardwired that way.
How to Break the Comparison Cycle
1) Stop it before it starts
You are wise enough to realize when you are about to get into a comparison situation. For me, I finally stopped looking at the regional scorecard. It had become a demotivator instead of a motivator. I had to back away from it. Now in my own consulting business I have to resist the urge to compare myself and my content to others. This is my new edge, and I have to stay away from the cliff of demotivation.
2) Stay busy
Remember the old proverb – An idle mind is the devil’s workshop. Keep moving. Don’t give yourself time enough to dwell on what you don’t have. If anything spend time thinking about all the assets you do have:
- health
- some place to live (no matter if you are living in a tent, renting, or in your own place)
- an education (no matter if it is a high school education, only some college classes, perhaps a degree from a “bad” school, etc.).
- family
- friends
3) Get in a group
I know that it sounds cliche. You have probably heard this all before, but I will echo it here — There is tremendous power in being in a group. Check out Keith Ferrazzi‘s Whos Got Your Back and his myGreenlight for more on this. The thing with groups is that they take time. I have been in and out of so many groups that I can’t name them all. Do not stop searching for a good match of people who want to help you. They are out there. Keep looking.